Golf Tidbits

[elianna]

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.

“The best wood in most amateurs’ bags is the pencil.”
–Chi Chi Rodriguez

“If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.”
–Jack Lemmon

Some golfers believe ‘underclubbing’ can be corrected by ‘overlooking’ or ‘undercounting.’ When using a caddie it can also be corrected by ‘over tipping.’

“Tee your ball high…air offers less resistance than dirt.”
–Jack Nicklaus

Why is it twice as difficult to hit a ball over water than sand?

Only a stupid golfer throws his club behind him. The smart golfer throws his club ahead so he can pick it up on the way to the next hole.

If you have lost more than four balls on any given hole, for safety reasons, let your partner drive the cart.

“He who has the fastest golf cart never has a bad lie.”
–Mickey Mantle.

[Wrinkles]

GOLF TERMS EXPLAINED
A Sally Gunnell - not pretty but a good runner
A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole
A Dennis Wise - a nasty 5 footer
A Diego Maradona - a very nasty 5 footer
A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read
A Rio Ferdinand - Lipped out
A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn't
A Cuban - needs one more revolution
An Elton John - a big bender that lips the rim
An Adolf Hitler - two shots in the bunker
A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand
A Kate Winslett - a bit fat but otherwise perfect
A Kate Moss - bit thin
A Gerry Adams - playing a Provisional
A David Trimble - tentative prod
A Glen Miller - kept low and didn't make it over the water
An Arthur Scargill - a great strike but a poor result
A Russell Grant - a fat iron
A Peter Mandelson - an unbelievable iron
A Rodney King - over-clubbed
An O.J. Simpson - got away with it
A Paula Radcliffe - not as ugly as a Sally Gunnell but still a good runner
A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver
A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver
A Robin Cook - just died on the hill
A Michael Jackson - gradually fading
A Douglas Bader - looked good in the air, but didn't have the legs
An Arsene Wenger - everyone saw where it went but you
A Ken Livingstone - quite far left
A Jean-Marie LePen - a long way right
A Ladyboy - looks like an easy hole but all is not what it seems
A condom - safe but didn't feel real good
A circus tent - a BIG top
An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result
A Vinnie Jones - nasty kick when you're not expecting it
A Ryanair - flies well but lands a long way from the target
A sister-in-law - up there but I know that I shouldn't be wink.gif