Author Topic: Village News - Please add yours  (Read 33247 times)

Ashy

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Village News - Please add yours
« on: Apr 16, 2017, 08:27:42 AM »
Since passing to the new postmistress, the village tandem has had two new baskets on it.
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Ashy

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #1 on: Apr 16, 2017, 08:29:52 AM »
The sermon at the Village Church this Sunday will be entitled "Life is like toothpaste, you can always squeeze a bit more out of it" .
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Ashy

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #2 on: Apr 16, 2017, 08:31:07 AM »
The Village Postwoman and Midwife apologises for the delay in some deliveries this week.
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Ashy

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #3 on: Apr 16, 2017, 08:31:47 AM »
The Village Seance has been cancelled again due to unforeseen circumstances.
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zoony

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #4 on: Apr 16, 2017, 11:20:03 AM »
                                                Village Egg Hunt!


Fertile women are asked to gather at the village hall on Sunday for Egg Harvest Festival.

minniemouse

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #5 on: Apr 16, 2017, 11:31:19 AM »
Churchboard notice "Will young ladies please cease using the village Maypole for pole dancing."
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Alex22

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #6 on: Apr 16, 2017, 11:33:43 AM »
Church notice :  This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
 

Ashy

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #7 on: Apr 16, 2017, 12:16:19 PM »
Visitors to the Village Gay Club are reminded to use the back door, due to the condition of the knob on the front.
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minniemouse

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #8 on: Apr 16, 2017, 01:28:03 PM »
Cake Competition.
Lucy the barmaid won first prize for the best village tart.
The vicar's wife was commended for putting her baps on display.
Smoking kills you, bacon kills you, smoking bacon cures it.

Ashy

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #9 on: Apr 16, 2017, 01:40:25 PM »
After the ceremony, several of the Village's young people will be coming round with buckets to collect for the new swimming pool.
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minniemouse

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #10 on: Apr 16, 2017, 02:08:16 PM »
The C?ck Inn is particularly well known for its toad in the hole.
« Last Edit: Apr 16, 2017, 02:16:48 PM by minniemouse »
Smoking kills you, bacon kills you, smoking bacon cures it.

Grumpyfrog

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #11 on: Apr 16, 2017, 02:12:56 PM »
I started out with nothing and I've still got most of it left!  Seasick Steve 2008

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Phil

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #12 on: Apr 16, 2017, 02:13:55 PM »
"Will any of our female congregation who would like to join the Young Mothers, please see me in the vestry after next Sunday's service."
"I've stopped arguing with idiots. They will only bring me down to their level and beat me with experience.

Paraphrased from George Carlin

zoony

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #13 on: Apr 16, 2017, 02:14:46 PM »
The [censored] Inn is particularly well known for its toad in the hole.


I'll guess The C.ock Inn?

Ashy

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #14 on: Apr 16, 2017, 02:15:50 PM »
Good Guess
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