Author Topic: Village News - Please add yours  (Read 60360 times)

Ashy

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #165 on: Oct 22, 2017, 01:59:21 PM »
The Vicar says he hopes her doctor will pull all the stops out to find a cure.

zoony

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #166 on: Oct 22, 2017, 04:44:36 PM »
Cleaner lady wanted at the vicarage.
"Listen to the wind, it cleans the mind."

"Never use money to measure wealth, son"

                                           cowboy wisdom.

Ashy

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #167 on: Oct 22, 2017, 04:48:54 PM »
..or failing that, dirtier.

Alfred

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #168 on: Oct 22, 2017, 04:51:24 PM »
church choir found drunk ten  empty  bottles of communion wine found close by, vicar trying to buy more replacement wine.

Ashy

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #169 on: Oct 22, 2017, 05:02:02 PM »
Church news: Tonight's Sung Evensong will be spoken instead.

minniemouse

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #170 on: Oct 22, 2017, 05:15:08 PM »
 :) :) :)
Smoking kills you, bacon kills you, smoking bacon cures it.

zoony

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #171 on: Oct 22, 2017, 05:18:41 PM »
The new locum at the village surgery will be taking care of all the NHS patients. Old Dr Finlay will limit himself to examining his privates.
"Listen to the wind, it cleans the mind."

"Never use money to measure wealth, son"

                                           cowboy wisdom.

minniemouse

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #172 on: Oct 22, 2017, 05:22:00 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D
Smoking kills you, bacon kills you, smoking bacon cures it.

Grumpyfrog

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #173 on: Oct 23, 2017, 12:07:29 PM »
  • The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'
  • The sermon tonight: 'The Search for Jesus.'"
  • I have discovered that I am the same age as old people

    minniemouse

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    Re: Village News - Please add yours
    « Reply #174 on: Oct 23, 2017, 05:22:37 PM »
     ;D ;D ;D (Jesus who?)
    Smoking kills you, bacon kills you, smoking bacon cures it.

    Grumpyfrog

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    Re: Village News - Please add yours
    « Reply #175 on: Oct 23, 2017, 11:14:12 PM »
    ;D ;D ;D (Jesus who?)


    Dont know.
    They are still looking for him!
    I have discovered that I am the same age as old people

    crabbyob

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    Re: Village News - Please add yours
    « Reply #176 on: Oct 24, 2017, 05:17:07 AM »
    cleansing dept head sacked because three wheelie bins missing presumed sold
    “Life may not be the party we hoped for, but as we are already here we may as well dance”

    Ashy

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    Re: Village News - Please add yours
    « Reply #177 on: Oct 24, 2017, 04:50:51 PM »
    The owner of the Village Cafe In The Park has complained that someone has dumped three wheelie bins on the forecourt, with what looks like the remains of two dogs in one of them.

    minniemouse

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    Re: Village News - Please add yours
    « Reply #178 on: Oct 24, 2017, 05:14:13 PM »
    .....a nearby tramp was spotted licking his lips.
    Smoking kills you, bacon kills you, smoking bacon cures it.

    Ashy

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    Re: Village News - Please add yours
    « Reply #179 on: Oct 24, 2017, 05:17:09 PM »
    When interviewed the tramp turned out to be the former head of the Pensions Advice Bureau which collapsed owing millions in 1974.