Village News - Please add yours

[Ashy]

An appeal will be launched to replace the burnt pews later today.

[Scrumpy]

The congregation got all fired up when the vicar mentioned Revelations..
The French mistook it for Revolution.

[crabbyob]

and the polish community queued up outside thinking it was vodka

[Ashy]

The Village council has announced that from 1st April, it will cease to provide public toilets in the market square. Local shops will be encouraged  participate in a scheme to allow the public to use their toilets. Among the incentives to be offered will be a large yellow and brown sign saying "Convenience Store" to place in their shop window.

[Scrumpy]

... and the Pound Shop will be doing their bit by charging just 20 pence.

[crabbyob]

the 'Virgin' shop remains empty

[Scrumpy]

....... but the DIY store is buzzing.!

[minniemouse]

The 'Orange' shop has run out of oranges.

[Scrumpy]

... and no Apples at their store either.

[Scrumpy]

.. but Mango are still going strong.

[fortyone]

Ayrton Senna is doing product endorsement in the chemists.

[Scrumpy]

Harry Houdini will be in Ann Summers showing his skills with handcuffs.

[crabbyob]

the cafe has announced it will accept luncheon vouchers after the owner saw large amounts changing hands at the hotel next door

[Ashy]

The Vicar of the Village Church has apologised to parishioners for any misunderstanding regarding the notice he pinned to the vestry toilet door, after the cistern had sprung a leak. By "Please use bucket outside" he meant use it to flush the toilet but evidently failed to make this clear.

[Raven]

The Vicar of the Village Church has apologised to parishioners for any misunderstanding regarding the notice he pinned to the vestry toilet door, after the cistern had sprung a leak. By "Please use bucket outside" he meant use it to flush the toilet but evidently failed to make this clear.

Ohhhhhh, The mind boggles.