Village News - Please add yours

[Ashy]

Following last week's gales, the Village Burger King has assured customers that it will be open for business as usual, even though the sign now reads "GERKIN" since some of the letters blew away.

The Hotel Scunthorpe will remain closed until its sign can be repaired.

[minniemouse]

....meanwhile sales at the local McDonalds are on a roll.

[Scrumpy]

..and THE FIRTREE MIDDLESEX  is doing a roaring trade..

[Ashy]

The Essex Yacht Club has announced a record membership....

[Scrumpy]

... and  BARLOWS No job is too BIG.   Has a queue outside..

[zoony]

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[crabbyob]

the vicar has retuned to therapy
he has always believed that earwigs lived in your ears...
then last week the verger pointed out a cockroach and the vicar fainted

[Scrumpy]

.. as did Jane ,the flower arranger, when the organist mentioned bumblebees.

[Alfred]

his remark stung , stung some parishioners standing near by, and as they talked, two pregnant young ladies arrived each with a pram and a child inside when,

[minniemouse]

Harvey Weinstein walked round the corner and they all shouted "DAD".

[Scrumpy]

 

[Scrumpy]

    Thanks to funds from the parishioners.

The hole at the vicars entrance has been filled thanks to Ivor Biggins. Builder.


Pianist Winifred Lovejoy had to be revived with smelling salts after seeing the new large black organ that she has longed for.

[Ashy]

The vicar has received so many complaints about the new church mural, "Saint Pancras Presents a Cucumber to Joan of Arc", that he has decided to place a statue in front of it until the artist can return from the south of France to alter it. 

[Scrumpy]

  Vegan and Vegetarian protesters stormed the church carrying banners
     
   CUCUMBERS .. HELP FILL YOU UP.


   EVERYONE SHOULD EAT A CUCUMBER.


  CUCUMBER.. ONE OF YOUR 5 A DAY MUST HAVES.

[fortyone]

The vicar's daughter wishes to apologise that she has had to postpone the village fete. Despite two years of planning to hold it at the end of March apparently nothing has been prepared. Some of the committee want to hold it a few weeks late but it seems most have had a change of heart and want to cancel entirely.