Author Topic: Village News - Please add yours  (Read 60517 times)

Ashy

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #855 on: Sep 29, 2019, 08:55:53 AM »
Oh yes I forgot about the Brighton scene. Apologies.

Floydian

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #856 on: Sep 29, 2019, 11:34:10 AM »
The village cinema is currently showing a brilliant thriller about a man being driven slowly insane by his uncomfortable underwear.
It's a hitchcock movie....
"Unbelievable, Jeff...."

Diasi

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #857 on: Sep 29, 2019, 11:41:33 AM »
 ;D ;D ;D

A guy in the village, who works for a firm of sign writers, has just had a complaint from Accles & Pollock for putting a B instead of a P on their sign.

He's now worried he'll get the sack because his previous sign was for the London Brick Company.
Make every day count, each day is precious.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal".  (Cassandra)

Ashy

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #858 on: Sep 29, 2019, 11:50:17 AM »
 :) :) :) :) Easy mistake, anyone could have made it.

Floydian

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #859 on: Sep 29, 2019, 12:26:41 PM »
I was sacked after my first day as a sign wirter....  ;D
"Unbelievable, Jeff...."

crabbyob

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #860 on: Sep 29, 2019, 12:34:17 PM »
yes Floydian the folks of Pollock over-reacted in my opinion
“Life may not be the party we hoped for, but as we are already here we may as well dance”

Scrumpy

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #861 on: Sep 29, 2019, 01:34:42 PM »



  Applications have now closed for  services to help Tom Waller with his Erection Company.
  Peggy Leggit and Marilyn Lovett from the pole dancing class have filled the posts...
Everything will be alright in the end, and if it’s not alright, its not the end.

Scrumpy

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #862 on: Sep 30, 2019, 08:18:21 AM »



 Miss Ramona Wright of the Lib.Dem Party fainted at her OPEN SURGERY
when Bill Pickings dropped his trousers to show her the overlarge swelling in his groin.
 

Everything will be alright in the end, and if it’s not alright, its not the end.

Alfred

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #863 on: Sep 30, 2019, 01:57:18 PM »
bill passed out too, when a nurse stepped forward to lance it.,

crabbyob

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #864 on: Sep 30, 2019, 02:17:48 PM »
it wasnt the lance, it was the rubber gloves
his thighs are still quivering
and if she puts on her rubber apron
god help us
“Life may not be the party we hoped for, but as we are already here we may as well dance”

Ashy

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #865 on: Sep 30, 2019, 05:35:11 PM »
The doctor is insisting that his instruction was to prick his boil.

Michael Rolls

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #866 on: Sep 30, 2019, 05:45:28 PM »
But everyone knows that hot water is an essential part of any medical procedure
Thank you for the days, the days you gave me.
The older I get, the better I was!

Scrumpy

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #867 on: Sep 30, 2019, 07:38:44 PM »



Aggie Green , who runs the local cafe, offered to make a hot bread poultice and insisted applying it to Bill’s big lump.. Her sister Gertie reacted quickly and gave Bill one of her lyle stockings to bite on..
Everything will be alright in the end, and if it’s not alright, its not the end.

Ashy

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #868 on: Sep 30, 2019, 08:16:14 PM »
It is wonderful to see the Village people working together for the common good.

Scrumpy

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Re: Village News - Please add yours
« Reply #869 on: Oct 01, 2019, 07:57:55 AM »
Unfortunately Gertie was still wearing the stocking..
 Both are in A&E..
Everything will be alright in the end, and if it’s not alright, its not the end.