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Author Topic: Penalty strokes.  (Read 940 times)

zoony

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Penalty strokes.
« on: Sep 26, 2017, 07:03:12 PM »
Dave and Barbara were members of the same Golf Club and often played together. One sunny Sunday they were enjoying a round and Dave sliced his ball horribly off the tee at the fifth. While looking for it they came across a small wooden hut with it's door ajar and Dave's ball lay in the middle of the floor. Being reluctant to take a penalty drop he decided that he could make the green with a bit of luck. Barbara offered to hold the door open so he prepared his shot. After much wiggling and twitching he smacked it...directly into Barbara's forehead killing her instantly.
Some years later he was again playing the same course with his mate and exactly the same thing happened again! His mate offered to hold the door but Dave was horrified by the suggestion..."Not bloody likely mate, last time I tried that I took a 7 to the green!
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minniemouse

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Re: Penalty strokes.
« Reply #1 on: Sep 26, 2017, 10:58:12 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D
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fortyone

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Re: Penalty strokes.
« Reply #2 on: Sep 27, 2017, 09:27:33 AM »
I saw a report from just after the first accident...



Dave and a friend were playing golf one day at their local golf course.


Dave was about to chip onto the green when he saw a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stopped in mid-swing, took off his golf cap, closed his eyes, and bowed down in prayer.


His friend said: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”


Dave then replied: “Yeah, well Barbara and I were married 35 years."   
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minniemouse

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Re: Penalty strokes.
« Reply #3 on: Sep 27, 2017, 04:28:37 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D
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Ashy

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Re: Penalty strokes.
« Reply #4 on: Sep 27, 2017, 04:44:05 PM »
 :) :)
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crabbyob

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Re: Penalty strokes.
« Reply #5 on: Oct 04, 2017, 12:15:32 PM »
a scotsman an englishman and an irishman were being held up on the golfcourse by the game in front, the club captain seeing the three men were getting annoyed came over to them "im sorry about the hold up chaps but the four guys in front are ex-firefighters who attended here when our clubhouse was on fire, but their efforts were in vain as a build-up of gas exploded killing two of their team and blinding four of them, out of respect we allow them to play here anytime they want to" the irish guy was shocked and replied "i am a multi-millionaire so i will finance any operations to restore their sight" the english guy said "i am an optician, and i will supply them the highest quality lenses to help them see" and the scotsman said "why cant they play at night?"
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minniemouse

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Re: Penalty strokes.
« Reply #6 on: Oct 04, 2017, 12:16:49 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D
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Grumpyfrog

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Re: Penalty strokes.
« Reply #7 on: Oct 12, 2017, 10:12:10 PM »
An Englishman and a Scot played golf one afternoon and after decided to have a couple of cold beers. After a while the Scot says to the Englishman, "If I were to sneak over to your house and made wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?" The Englishman after a great deal of thought, says, "Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."
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minniemouse

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Re: Penalty strokes.
« Reply #8 on: Oct 12, 2017, 10:17:36 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D
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crabbyob

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Re: Penalty strokes.
« Reply #9 on: Oct 13, 2017, 05:30:40 AM »
 ;D ;D

32% today, sun screen applied
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minniemouse

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Re: Penalty strokes.
« Reply #10 on: Oct 13, 2017, 10:09:32 AM »
 8) :P :P :P ;D 
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Grumpyfrog

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Re: Penalty strokes.
« Reply #11 on: Oct 13, 2017, 10:21:15 AM »
They asked Bob Hope, what do you like better, golf or sex?
He said he liked sex the best -- unless he's hitting the ball real good!
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Phil

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Re: Penalty strokes.
« Reply #12 on: Oct 13, 2017, 06:06:03 PM »
Quote from: Grumpyfrog on Oct 13, 2017, 10:21:15 AM
They asked Bob Hope, what do you like better, golf or sex?
He said he liked sex the best -- unless he's hitting the ball real good!

I don't play golf.

 ;D ;D ;D
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crabbyob

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Re: Penalty strokes.
« Reply #13 on: Oct 15, 2017, 11:15:53 PM »
i tell non golfers
that golf is like sex
you dont have to be good at it to enjoy it
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Scrumpy

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Re: Penalty strokes.
« Reply #14 on: Oct 16, 2017, 10:49:24 AM »



 Balls everywhere !.. Men trying to get a hole in one !..
 Heading towards the bar because they are exhausted.. bragging of their skills while staying on course..


Yeah!  I guess you could say it's a bit like sex.
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