Author Topic: Fifty Shades By Pam Ayres  (Read 862 times)

crabbyob

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Fifty Shades By Pam Ayres
« on: May 22, 2018, 06:27:36 PM »

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY BY PAM AYRES
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;...
T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread.
In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
"I am a dominator!!"
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one!!"
Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey!!
“Life may not be the party we hoped for, but as we are already here we may as well dance”

Phil

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Re: Fifty Shades By Pam Ayres
« Reply #1 on: May 22, 2018, 09:22:08 PM »
Lol.

I've now got her Oxfordshire yokel farmer accent in my head.
"I've stopped arguing with idiots. They will only bring me down to their level and beat me with experience.”

Paraphrased from George Carlin

Scrumpy

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Re: Fifty Shades By Pam Ayres
« Reply #2 on: May 23, 2018, 07:59:38 AM »



Brilliant.  ;D ;D ;D ;D         I remember her  'Dolly on The Dustcart'
Everything will be alright in the end, and if it’s not alright, its not the end.

Floydian

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Re: Fifty Shades By Pam Ayres
« Reply #3 on: May 23, 2018, 09:11:35 AM »
I remember her winning opportunity knocks.  :)
"Unbelievable, Jeff...."

Phil

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Re: Fifty Shades By Pam Ayres
« Reply #4 on: May 23, 2018, 09:19:08 AM »
I remember her winning opportunity knocks.  :)

I'm fairly sure she was one of the contestants who won for the most weeks.
"I've stopped arguing with idiots. They will only bring me down to their level and beat me with experience.”

Paraphrased from George Carlin

Floydian

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Re: Fifty Shades By Pam Ayres
« Reply #5 on: May 23, 2018, 09:53:30 AM »
Deleted.
"Unbelievable, Jeff...."

crabbyob

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Re: Fifty Shades By Pam Ayres
« Reply #6 on: May 23, 2018, 09:56:43 AM »
there was a wee scots kid who sung 'Mother of Mine' but i cant get his name i think it was Neil summit
“Life may not be the party we hoped for, but as we are already here we may as well dance”

Floydian

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Re: Fifty Shades By Pam Ayres
« Reply #7 on: May 23, 2018, 10:14:49 AM »
I remember him crabbyob but he wasn't the one i was on about. Just as an aside, when we were kids we lived next door to two members of 'the grumbleweeds' do you remember them? They were on opportunity knocks, they didn't win but went on to greater things later in their career.  :)
"Unbelievable, Jeff...."

crabbyob

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Re: Fifty Shades By Pam Ayres
« Reply #8 on: May 23, 2018, 11:37:25 AM »
was it them who did 'call up the groups'?....
but yes i remember them they were from Yorkshire, i cant remember if it were Sheffield or Leeds... but they were very good but descended into comedy at which point they were rather childish, so not so funny
“Life may not be the party we hoped for, but as we are already here we may as well dance”

Floydian

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Re: Fifty Shades By Pam Ayres
« Reply #9 on: May 23, 2018, 11:46:23 AM »
No mate, i think that was 'the barren knights' or something similar. The grumbleweeds had a radio and tv show, and were indeed from Leeds.
"Unbelievable, Jeff...."

crabbyob

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Re: Fifty Shades By Pam Ayres
« Reply #10 on: May 23, 2018, 11:49:29 AM »
yes your right it was the Knights... but the rest of my post was about the Grumbleweeds, they were often on 'Calendar' the little bald one was the fall about comedy guy
“Life may not be the party we hoped for, but as we are already here we may as well dance”

Floydian

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Re: Fifty Shades By Pam Ayres
« Reply #11 on: May 23, 2018, 01:07:35 PM »
Yes, he died a couple of years ago. He was called Graham Walker and his "proper" job was at the local butchers until they turned pro.
"Unbelievable, Jeff...."

Floydian

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Re: Fifty Shades By Pam Ayres
« Reply #12 on: May 23, 2018, 02:40:14 PM »
Deleted my original post. Think i may have shared just a bit too much.  :)
"Unbelievable, Jeff...."

sparky

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Re: Fifty Shades By Pam Ayres
« Reply #13 on: May 25, 2018, 10:35:32 AM »

I liked Pam's story about the mummy potato and her three baby girl  potatoes...……..
As the three baby potatoes started to grow up, Mummy potato said girls its time you ventured out in the big wide world and make lives for yourselves. which they did.
After several years the first one came home to visit, and Mummy said well how have you got on in life, and the girl said well Mummy, I have done very well I married a Jersey Royal, lovely said Mummy.
The second one came home, and Mummy asked how she got on, the reply came I hit the jackpot and married King Edward, great said Mummy.
The third one came home and was asked the same question, and a hesitant reply came, well Mummy I think I did well I married Des Lynam , Oh God no, said Mummy, he's a commen-tater.