I were sat on the sands at Blackpool one day, digestin' me dinner of plaice,
when all of a sudden up runs this big bloke and starts to kick sand in me face!
"Oi! Watch it!" I shouted in anger, "Yer spillin' that sand in me beer!"
Ee turned round in pretended surprise, on face were this ugly, derisory sneer..
"'You talkin' to me?" he demanded "If so tell me what you've to say".
Then 'ee punched me reet hard on the nose and said "Dry up bugger an' blow away".
Well I'd read all the dirty books while at schoo' and tho I was puny young whelp,
I sat down that night wi't Tit Bits an' I wrote to Charles Atlas for 'elp.
'is help were quick in arrivin' and soon I were well on me way. I sweated and groaned and grunted and moaned and me muscules got bigger each day.
I strutted around in me vest and me pants and mowed the lawn three times a week. An' I ate like a prince on taters an' mince 'til soon I felt at me peak.
So off back to Blackpool I went, to see if the bully were there, an' 'ee were sure enough, lookin' three times as tough wi' girls all strokin' 'is 'air.
I looked and I saw that ee'd just 'ad a swim, I were reet glad the sharks 'adn't got him.
Cos I ran past his place, kickin' sand in 'is face then I pulled out me gun and I shot 'im!
