Losing one's wife

[Audrine]

DearBob,


I am so sorry that this happened to your wife & to you. I don't mean to sound heartless but was a law suit involved? Surely so. God bless you both!

[Michael Rolls]

I will start my reply with a caveat - this is purely my opinion and I hope that it will not offend anyone because that is not my intent. I am deeply sorry at your loss Michael and no words that I can say will make you feel any different. But there are some things that are worse than dying !! Five years ago my wife went into hospital for a bowel cancer operation, sadly things went wrong and she died, briefly, in the ICU. The skill and perseverance of the medical team brought her back but, sadly, she suffered significant brain damage, she now has dementia and is completely dependent on me. I took my wife of 40 years into hospital, she was articulate, interesting, involved in everything and was a joy to know. I brought out an old woman who needs help to get washed and dressed who needs everything doing for her. The woman that I am living with today is not the woman that married and I repeat - there are some things that are worse than dying

Bobcat
I do understand  and I do sympathise. Thankfully, Veronica and I were spared anything that awful - apart from a week or ten days when Veronica was in such pain she was was on strong morphine and totally confused (but it passed) she was fully compis mentis until the last few hours. A friend of ours - 10 years younger than me - has had Alzheimer's for some years now and is mentally a vegetable - how his wife copes with the mental aspect is totally beyond me - she is a saint.
Had Veronica suffered in that way what she had to go through would have been so awful - it was her one big fear. She knew that physically she was doomed, but hopefully (and so it turned out to be) it shouldn't affect her mental state. The courage that she and Ann ( the wife of the friend) have shown over the years makes me feel - oh, I don't know - if I say 'unworthy' it sounds as though I am looking for sympathy - and in a way I suppose I am.  It must be so awful - the thing that really upsets me is that Ann's husband (oddly enough, another Michael) seems to be a vegetable - but supposing that internally he isn't? Suppose he is actually aware of everything going on around him but just can't communicate? For the life of me, such a thought really scares me
Mike

[Scrumpy]

Bobcat.. Your message touched my heart.


I feel for you.. Losing a loved one is devastating.. Losing a loved one
and getting back someone completely different is heartbreaking..

[Michael Rolls]

Oh - and when Veronica was confused by the morphine, one of the young doctors asked her a series of questions which are designed to assess mental impairment. They have a list of 30 questions and a score of below 24 is a cause of concern - Veronica only scored 8 (but, as I said, this was a temporary state of affairs). One of the questions was 'Who is the Prime Minister?' - with no hesitation at all Veronica answered 'Theresa May - unfortunately!'
Mike

[mick607]

I know that I wouldn't be able to cope for one minute without my dear wife.
I have been close to death on a couple of occasions, I saw the anguish she went through at those times & my heart goes out to all who have lost a partner.

[granny moss]

Micky and I were married for 67 years. He was my best friend, and we had much love for each other. I remember one evening while in the kitchen cooking
pasta. He was sitting at the other end of the kitchen watching me. He burst out crying and saying : Why do I love you so  much !.....It really hurt me !....He only lasted a few months after that. I believe that we  will know when our time is near. He knew. I think the situations are different but very similar and we  will have great pain when we loose our best mate. Male or female. The pain will lessen, but the memory will always be in our hearts of all the times we were together. Sometimes I wonder if life is easier for those who never have loved anyone.? Only themselves ? Loving means caring and feeling the loss and pain in many ways when someone we love is in pain or has other problems. So, is loving a good or a bad position to be in ? I do not know. gmx

[Michael Rolls]

Granny
Despite the current pain - which at times seems intolerable - I would not have missed my time with Veronica for anything.
Mike

[mick607]

I would much prefer to have loved some one than not at all.

[Johned]

I was very touched by your latest post Granny Moss.

[GrannyMac]

So much love around, I feel for all of you who have gone through the death, or the major health changes of your life partners. I believe its better to have loved, than the alternative. I've had the worry of my husband having heart problems since our forties.  As he'd already lost his brother through the same  condition, we realised the outcomes of surgery weren't guaranteed.  Fast forward over twenty years, another heart issue that took months to diagnose, then more surgery.  Fortunately we've had another ten since then, but I've faced the possibility twice that I could be on my own.

I count my blessings daily.

[brian54]

I get fed up of people saying we were only married for 26 years. We met at 11 so we had known each other for 38 years.
I have had divorced people saying it was wrong the mortgage was paid off with her life assurance and I would get some of her pension. One of her distant relatives thought all her financial contribution to the marriage should be returned to her blood relatives. I dont know what he thought her 2 girls were.
That was not the view of her parents who helped on the financial side

[Diasi]

I'm sure you have many happy memories of the financial advantages that your wife brought you, especially half her pension.

[brian54]

I'm sure you have many happy memories of the financial advantages that your wife brought you.

I would rather have my wife with the money and my daughters would as well.
It would also be nice for my 4 granddaughters to have a second grandmother. Andy and Peter are suffering without a human mother as well.

[Yellowbird]

When Ron was very ill and we thought he might die, thankfully he recovered he said the only thing he could think in the hospital  was that there was a bad  thunderstorm and he could only worry about me and how I was coping alone at home without him to comfort me, not once he said did he worryabout himself.  We have been married over 60years and I think that is true love. Had I lost him Michael Rolls I can’t begin to imagine how I could have lived without him, please know I am thinking of you.

[FIFER]

I lost my wife of 60years just over 2 years ago and still lost without her, I have 4 of a family who are there for me and do well, my wife was diagnosed with leukaemia and told she had Months, they put her on a treatment which were giving patients 6 months my wife had two and a half years which was good but it was a worrying two and a half years being told months, it was a daily job in to Hospital for this time, it is still lonely in the house don't think you get over that