Author Topic: friday funnies.  (Read 59 times)

Floydian

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1188
friday funnies.
« on: Sep 14, 2018, 04:01:14 PM »
Came home drunk as a skunk last night, tried my key and found the wife had changed all the locks, then as i was heading round to my mums i realised the crafty sod had changed the name of the road as well...


................


The mother in law came for her sunday dinner and started moaning at the table "why is the dog sat on the floor staring at me?"


"Because you've got his plate" i replied...


............


I was thinking it's time i grew up and acted a bit more mature.


Then i remembered it's nearly conker season.


...........




Either my wife's sleeping with an exzema sufferer behind my back, or eating croissants in bed....


..........


My mate reckons he's got a new job at the circus where he builds balloon animals while riding a unicycle.
Personally i think he just makes things up as he goes along....


............


Cliff Richards has been getting loads of online abuse since his court case, he's got himself some spying, talking, tweeting, stalking living trolls....


.............


I've started a business manufacturing horror figurines and just got an order to do a thousand dracula's. There's only two of us making them so i have to make every second count...


..............


A snail went to the police station and complained he'd been mugged by two tortoises. The desk sergeant asked him if he could describe the incident.


"No, not really", he said, "it all happened so fast...."


..............


I remember my old school teacher telling me that looking out of the window wouldn't get me anywhere.


Boy did i have a smug look on my face when i handed him his burger and fries at the drive through...


 ;D



You know you have ADHD when you

Scrumpy

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13646
Re: friday funnies.
« Reply #1 on: Sep 15, 2018, 12:23:09 PM »



 'Working at the Drive Thru.'

 ;D ;D ;D




Don't think of a caterpillar dying..Think of a butterfly living.


[email protected]