Author Topic: More funnies.  (Read 395 times)

Floydian

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More funnies.
« on: Oct 15, 2018, 09:47:32 PM »



I'd like to dedicate these jokes to my father, who was a roofer.


"So dad, if you're up there...."


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The air stewardess went through the demonstration, showing us where the exits are etc, then finished by saying that in the event of a real emergency we should sit with our heads between our legs.


If i could do that i wouldn't even BE on this flight to thailand....


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I've started a business selling japanese bonsai trees. It's been so successful I'm thinking of moving into smaller premises...


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Marriage is like a self service cafe, you choose what you want then see what your mate's got and fancy a bit of that as well....


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The other day i saw a busker playing dancing queen on a digeridoo.


I thought, that's aboriginal....


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My wife came into the bedroom wearing nothing but a pair of red fishnet stockings.


She looked like two bags of onions....


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I picked up a hitch hiker, he seemed like a nice guy. After a few miles he asked me if i was afraid he might be a serial killer.
I told him the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were pretty unlikely....


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My wife said "You've never once held the door open for me".


"Not true", i replied "what about that time you threatened to leave?"


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A guy goes into the chemists and says "I'd like to buy some tablets to kill my wife please"
The lady chemist replies " i can't do that, what makes you want to kill her anyway?"
The man pulls out a picture of his wife in bed with the lady chemists husband. The pharmacist smiles and says "sorry, my mistake, you didn't say you had a prescription...


 ;D
"Unbelievable, Jeff...."

fortyone

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Re: More funnies.
« Reply #1 on: Oct 15, 2018, 10:02:21 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D

Scrumpy

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Re: More funnies.
« Reply #2 on: Oct 16, 2018, 11:21:28 AM »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D    1 and 2  brilliant.
Everything will be alright in the end, and if it’s not alright, its not the end.

minniemouse

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Re: More funnies.
« Reply #3 on: Oct 16, 2018, 07:54:13 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D
Smoking kills you, bacon kills you, smoking bacon cures it.

Alex22

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Re: More funnies.
« Reply #4 on: Oct 16, 2018, 08:00:24 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D   like the serial killer one  ;D
.

crabbyob

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Re: More funnies.
« Reply #5 on: Oct 17, 2018, 12:40:06 AM »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
i have a mate who goes to Thailand... guess what hes getting on messenger
“Life may not be the party we hoped for, but as we are already here we may as well dance”