Author Topic: How to help.  (Read 312 times)

Flying bomb

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How to help.
« on: Jun 19, 2019, 10:22:58 PM »
Without any exceptions every one I have met since my wife Joan's death have all said the same thing,
"If there is anything that we can do to help, please ask."
Every one knows that I have no family and now live alone, but the one simple, easy thing they could do, but never have done so,  is to ask me if I would like to come around for a coffee and a chat to their place. Such a simple, easy thing for anyone to do and so very, very helpful it would be for me, trying to come to terms with the loss of Joan, having lived with her for 60 years.
.  As soon as they scoffed the food at my  reception after the funeral they are off, gone, disappeared, vanished.
 
So, next time any one here finds themselves saying those words , " Is there anything I can do to help," to a newly bereaved person they know, follow it up with an invite to coffee.  You will never realize  how so very helpful that might be for them, especially if they now live alone.


If the Buck stops here how can the Doe go all the way ?



Albert.

Diasi

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Re: How to help.
« Reply #1 on: Jun 19, 2019, 10:55:03 PM »
I think that people often don't know what to do or say or feel uncomfortable.
Make every day count, each day is precious.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal".  (Cassandra)

zoony

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Re: How to help.
« Reply #2 on: Jun 19, 2019, 10:57:57 PM »
  I think people are afraid to be in the presence of deep grief and mourning Albert..They think they have to say something but have no words..They feel they have to act in a certain manner that's unfamiliar and uncomfortable.. Much easier to avoid such a situation..I'd say it's sad but it's perfectly normal and because they're not 'family' their sympathies only need to be uttered for their 'grief' to be relieved. Yours goes on. I send you a virtual hug mate.
"Listen to the wind, it cleans the mind."

"Never use money to measure wealth, son"

                                           cowboy wisdom.

GrannyMac

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Re: How to help.
« Reply #3 on: Jun 20, 2019, 07:59:28 AM »
I agree with both of you. 

FB, perhaps you may need to make the first move, ie join in a weekly coffee or lunch club where you may find others in a similar situation.  I know thats what our Local Age UK coffee mornings are good for. 

I really hope things improve for you.
Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean you’re right.

R. Gervais

firenze

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Re: How to help.
« Reply #4 on: Jun 20, 2019, 09:37:44 AM »
Flying Bomb..coming to terms with being alone after a partners loss is impossible for others to grasp the magnitude of the cold space.  GrannyMac and Zoony are right, going where warm bodies collect won't fill it for you but eventually it helps if only as distraction.
Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Mark Twain.

Raven

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Re: How to help.
« Reply #5 on: Jun 20, 2019, 09:41:12 AM »
I can only agree with GrannyMac and Firenze, I was about to post something similar myself.. :)

Scrumpy

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Re: How to help.
« Reply #6 on: Jun 20, 2019, 12:55:20 PM »



I think it can be a difficult situation to be in.. Some of us are never really sure how to approach someone who has just lost a loved one..
Being a widow I am not sure that I would invite a male acquaintance to 'pop in for a coffee'.  This can sometimes send out  the wrong message..
 It was the same for me when I was widowed.  No-one asked me to come around for a coffee..
Very awkward situation..
  I would make you a coffee Flying bomb.. but you would have to cut my hedge in return.. ;D
Everything will be alright in the end, and if it’s not alright, its not the end.

Scrumpy

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Re: How to help.
« Reply #7 on: Jun 20, 2019, 12:58:02 PM »



Have a look at Maddy's post  CHATTY'S CAFE...  You never know.. ;)
Everything will be alright in the end, and if it’s not alright, its not the end.

minniemouse

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Re: How to help.
« Reply #8 on: Jun 20, 2019, 03:53:53 PM »
I would imagine there are support groups for widows/widowers. 
Smoking kills you, bacon kills you, smoking bacon cures it.

Flying bomb

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Re: How to help.
« Reply #9 on: Jun 20, 2019, 07:19:46 PM »
  No-one asked me to come around for a coffee..
Very awkward situation..
  I would make you a coffee Flying bomb.. but you would have to cut my hedge in return.. ;D



My hedge cutter's broken. :)


Re Chatty Cafés.
 Unwanted characters will latch onto this methinks.
My nearest one is 15 miles away at a National Trust Restaurant.
Probably meet an historical bore.


Might try a transport café instead. ;D ;)





If the Buck stops here how can the Doe go all the way ?



Albert.

Scrumpy

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Re: How to help.
« Reply #10 on: Jun 20, 2019, 07:41:44 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D
Everything will be alright in the end, and if it’s not alright, its not the end.