Rest homes...

[granny moss]

My sister in law on been discharged from hospital after heart surgery, was put in a hurry into a rest home...When Micky and I went to visit her, she was sitting on her own, in a room no larger than a closet...with her back to the window, that wa facing a brick wall. One bed against one wall, a horrible old wardrobe against another wall, and an empty chest of draws on the third wall. She was removed from her home without a chance of having her say in the matter. A £600.000pounds home, fully furnished with the best wooden  cupboards and soft furnishing, very expensive carpets etc etc. Lots of expensive crystal glasses and chandeliers...solid silver cutlery canteen, and hers and her husbands top label clothes...She ended in that old bungalow turned nursery home, where she died of a broked heart. She refused to leave her home and come to Norwich, where she could have afforded a super retirement nursing home. She did NOT want to leave her home because it was the home where she lived from a young bride.We would as a family been so happy for her to be near us. The whole family wanted her to share Norwich and the beautiful countryside with us.But she was so stuborn. She stayed there, had a nasty fall in the kitchen, and that was that. In a matter of a couple of months, she was gone. We miss her very much. She had a wonderful sense of humour and we 'phoned each other every evening. But she stayed there and It made me sad how all it ended for her. In the end, she left everything to her husband's family and various charities. I told her we did not want anything. We all agreed on that. When time arrived for me to leave my home, I gave all to charity, including most of the colthes etc. I came to my granny annexe with a large suitcase of the clothes I thought were enough for me. I am in my room and on my own. The family sold the house with all it's contents,as they did not want anything in it....Chandeliers, large mirrors, kitchen utensils, microwaves etc...The washing machine, large freezer and drier were only about one year old...That is what happens to us when we get old....We have in the end to leave it all...I have now what I need for my survival, but even this shall be left behind...We spend so much time worrying with day to day living, that we forget we are only in transit. That is why I know that every day is VERY PRECIOUS and I am determined to make myself very happy with happy thoughts and a wonderful hobby to spend my hours in contentment. So? End of story gmxxx

[Scrumpy]

'I hope I die before I get old'.. Was it Mike Jagger who sang these words in a song ?


 It's not years that make us old it's the restrictions in what we can do..
I would be happy to move to a comfortable home in another area then look at at blank wall in an area I am familiar with. After all,if you are restricted to movement the area doesn't matter.. It is very sad when a choice is not on offer..

[klondike]

Both my wife's grandmothers ended up in homes. One had dementia and escaped in slippers and dressing gown a couple of times. She regularly advised my wife's father that he ought to think about finding a nice young girl to marry. She was happy as a sandboy.

The other maintained her mental faculties but was unable to walk. She was the most miserable old bugger you could possibly imagine. Apparently she wasn't the life and soul before being confined in a chair watching daytime TV while most around her drooled and shouted out. Whenever we visited we'd get a lengthy diatribe and were told which seats it was apparently unsafe to sit in as they were regulary soiled.

I never want to go into a home.

[biglouis]

I have the means to end my life by taking the tablets and going to bed, never to wake up. I would do that rather than go into a home. I will go on my own terms and not those of some one else who has taken my independence.

I used to do market research and one of the greatest fears of older people I spoke to was losing their independence.

[Diasi]

Both my wife's grandmothers ended up in homes. One had dementia and escaped in slippers and dressing gown a couple of times. She regularly advised my wife's father that he ought to think about finding a nice young girl to marry. She was happy as a sandboy.

The other maintained her mental faculties but was unable to walk. She was the most miserable old bugger you could possibly imagine. Apparently she wasn't the life and soul before being confined in a chair watching daytime TV while most around her drooled and shouted out. Whenever we visited we'd get a lengthy diatribe and were told which seats it was apparently unsafe to sit in as they were regulary soiled.

I never want to go into a home.

I can imagine that was the worse of the two conditions.

[klondike]

The individual is almost certainly better off with dementia so long as the nursing home staff are not cruel to them as some hidden cameras have shown to sometimes happen but for a partner or close child it  must be hell.


My father died in hospital shortly after a stroke. My mother in a home from terminal cancer just a few days after transfer from hospital. I'd take either over dementia for the sake of any surviving relatives.

[digitalis]

Excellent story,Granny. Should be read every week and reflected  upon. Yes,thus it is so... In the end,it is all taken...

There are some 'interesting' stories out and about our noble legal profession(s) out there too. Would that we could give something that we have to those we think would benefit. Alas,from my limited readings,unless it bequeathed to your relatives(and which I hope are trusted and decent),it will all go the wolves.

Oh that I could tell all the tales and stories I know. You probably know your own. The 1 million you may leavethe the animal charity homeless kittens will be taken by the chief exec (girdle 54 inch in his white Y fronts). He will  be doing a research project with young Debbie(measurements 34 DD - 24 -26): blone and 28 years old. For overseeing your dosh when you are ga-ga or isolated,the solicitor will charge 10k pa...and thats for the dosh just to languish in a Nationwide Instant Access account 0.15%. I've seen and witnessed it all.

Then again,old(e) folks can be stubborn and silly,and we wont know that we wont be like them till we enter their slippers.

God have Mercy! And the last deep and dark chuckle is that his so-called elected church elders are as in on the take as any other vultures! Vanity of vanities,all is vanity... In the end,all that we have is taken away.

[granny moss]

that is why there are no pockets in shrouds... we go with nothing.... I TRY to enjoy every minute I can.... I have just finished my 9th page of my illustrated book !!!I am pleased with it ! gmx....

[biglouis]

When my grandmother died she left the house to be sold and the proceeds divided between her surviving children. However she left the entire contents to me, her favorite grandchild. The remainder of my family had no idea of the value of her possessions. To them it was just big ugly "brown" furniture.


Christies had just opened an auction room in Chester and I arranged for a rep to call and value it. He selected a number of items for sale and they sold very well. People in that area of the country had big houses to fill.


I also recruited a cousin to help (she drove and I didnt). We each picked out some pieces of furniture and nick nacks we wanted to keep for ourselves. The rest was put into a self storage and gradually sold. That was how I got into dealing in antiques.


My grandmother knew that I knew the value and wanted me to have the benefit of what the greedy relatives did not appreciate. Needless to say the rest of the family were far from happy when they realised that grans possessions has been of considerable value - although I never told them exactly how much.

No one ever really owns an antique. We are simply custodians for the time that it is in our possession. Passing it on is the ultimate form of recycling.

Im now in the same position of having a lot of "stuff" and no children to leave it to. Maybe I will have managed to sell it all before I go.

[granny moss]

It is important to make a form of will, because if we die intestate the Inland Revenue takes it all... No need for solicitors, unless it is an estate and many children....Any piece of paper that can be written on will do, but must have two witnesses signatures, as one only will not do. They witness your signature and that you are the person you say you are. That'all.gmx

[Michael Rolls]

As you say, granny, it is VITAL that the will is witnessed and if probate is involved the witnessing must be done in a manner accepted by them. In brief it must make it clear that the testator and the witnesses are ALL present and sign in each others presence and are seen so to do. In Scotland only one witness is needed and when drawing up my late sister's will for her I made the mistake of using the Scottish form of words which do not make it clear all three are present - because, of course, there are only two signatories. That error meant it took probate office 12 weeks (!!!) to get round to telling me they weren't happy, so one of the witnesses had to fill in a two page questionnaire and have it certified by a solicitor before probate would accept the will. It's a mistake I won't make again!.
The sort of wording that probate are happy with is on the lines 'signed by each of us in the presence of all of us on the [date] - oh, and it is also vital that the signatures are dated.

Mike

[Diasi]

The individual is almost certainly better off with dementia so long as the nursing home staff are not cruel to them as some hidden cameras have shown to sometimes happen but for a partner or close child it  must be hell.

My father died in hospital shortly after a stroke. My mother in a home from terminal cancer just a few days after transfer from hospital. I'd take either over dementia for the sake of any surviving relatives.

I was speaking from the point of view of the old person.