The Marital Bed.

[Maywalk]

For Gawds sake move over and let me get in
Its not very warm and my nightie’s quite thin
Panting and pushing to get him over the line
I only want half the bed the part I call mine.
I’m just dozing off to sleep when my calves go in a clamp
I jump out very quickly because I have the ruddy cramp
I can hear my other half snoring well in the ‘land of nod’
While I’m limping up and down thinking ‘you are a lucky sod’.
The cramp is slowly subsiding so I try my luck once again
More pushing shoving and heaving he really is a pain.
I close my eyes and let my mind drift like a rowing boat
When suddenly I’m choking with an elbow in my throat.
After being rudely awakened I settle down once more
Oh strewth! its started up again that never ending snore.
I bury my head in the pillow with the cover over my head
I’ve had this nightly torture since the first day that we wed.
I give him a dig to make him stop and turn the other way
Oh blow me down! here we go! he’s taken the whole duvet.
I pull it back with very much force, I have to be quite tough
So he turns over with it and puts his knees right up my duff.
I settle down once more to sleep the rest of the night through
When suddenly the bedclothes go back he has to visit the loo.
I turn to look at the clock, the hands say half past three
“Oh Lord!” I pray “let me get some rest, please be good to me”.
My other half gets back into bed shaking me back to life
I think I deserve a medal for being an understanding wife.
I hear the clock chime four o’clock I guess God never heard
I may as well get out of bed and do yesterdays crossword
 
Copyright © - Maisie Walker 2001 - All rights reserved

[Rita Postlethwaite]

Made me smile Maisie.  Jeff says I snore, sometimes, but he doesn`t though he does hog the duvet! 

[Johned]

Maywalk by the title I thought the subject matter was going to be something quite erotic but I was quickly brought down to earth by the realistic content!  Not many nights go by when my wife does not spend at least an hour downstairs through insomnnia and through my medical condition I am out of bed every hour or so. We do not retire early so the nights seem to pass more quickly and whatever time we do go to bed, we always read for a half hour or so.  All in all, a very true to life poetic scenario!

[Sheila]

It must be a common complaint.  Snoring, fighting over the quilt and who is over the half line down the middle of the bed, disturbing each other for loo visits - the list is endless.  I have been up for ages.  Not that i would swap him, except possibly for one who doesn't snore.  I will be in trouble if he reads this.

[Maywalk]

Glad I am not on my own. 
That poem was read out over the radio and the producer said that they were inundated with calls from women who had similar problems. My biggest problem with hubby now is that he keeps waking me up to see if I am dead. Sounds nuts but since I started with the seizures I cant even sleep because he is scared that I wont come out of one. Its lovely of him to still care but I really would love a good nights sleep. No pleasing me is there.