More sweeping statements made as facts. People just communicate differently. When I was young I knew of families where children were not allowed to talk at the table; everyone would have to wait for the most senior member to be seated before they sat down and grace was mandatory. Why do you not insist we stick the these rules. I can remember the wooden spoon next to my mother's place at the table and a sharp rap (on the table
) would remind us that "all joints on the table will be carved" should an elbow stray.
Personally I would rather have the more relaxed way I brought my children up telling that they needed to learn what others thought was appropriate so they could a) feel relaxed in company and b) know when it was appropriate to break the rules.
You have only to remember the lovely John Betjeman poem "How To Get On In Society" to understand that so called manners have always been used to differentiate one part of society from another. The poor person in the poem, thinking they are obeying all societies "manners" rules is getting it (at that time) spectacularly wrong. A lot of the rules we are told apply are sheer snobbery in the "I know better than you, therefore I am better than you" vein.
Phone for the fish knives, Norman
As cook is a little unnerved;
You kiddies have crumpled the serviettes
And I must have things daintily served.
Are the requisites all in the toilet?
The frills round the cutlets can wait
Till the girl has replenished the cruets
And switched on the logs in the grate.
It's ever so close in the lounge dear,
But the vestibule's comfy for tea
And Howard is riding on horseback
So do come and take some with me.
Now here is a fork for your pastries
And do use the couch for your feet;
I know what I wanted to ask you-
Is trifle sufficient for sweet?
Milk and then just as it comes dear?
I'm afraid the preserve's full of stones;
Beg pardon, I'm soiling the doileys
With afternoon tea-cakes and scones.
by the wonderful Mr Betjeman.