Bad Gags

[Judd]

Just found out the name of our local Uber driver - he's Russian and is called Pikup Andropov

There's a woman selling batteries at our local kiddies play ground - she sells C-cells by the seesaw

[Flying bomb]

Does the AA breakdown man install AA batteries?
If he's small he installs AAA batteries.

[richmond62]

Reminds me of the rude Russian (as if there are not several): Vadoncha Bukaroff.


And the Welshman who has fathered 57 kids son far: Moronway!

[Judd]

I thought I had found a dinosaur leg while digging in my back garden, but found out it was a fossil arm.

[Judd]

Ultravox bass player dies aged 71.


This means nothing to me.

[richmond62]

Why are you never hungry at the seaside?


Because of the chip butties that are there. 

[1955vintage]

What is the name of the cross channel swimmer with no arms or legs?


Bob.


What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other?


Eileen.

[Judd]

The wife arrived back from her driving test.
The husband asked, "how did you get on?"
"Not good," the wife replied. "He failed me."
"Oh dear!, It can't be that bad; what did he pull you up on?"
"A rope," she replied. "The car's still in the river."

[Judd]

Little lad came home from school and said "dad I've failed biology at school".

Came the reply, "I'm your mum".

[Alex22]

The wife arrived back from her driving test.
The husband asked, "how did you get on?"
"Not good," the wife replied. "He failed me."
"Oh dear!, It can't be that bad; what did he pull you up on?"
"A rope," she replied. "The car's still in the river."

😄😄😄

[Mups]

Little lad came home from school and said "dad I've failed biology at school".

Came the reply, "I'm your mum".

 

[richmond62]

That last joke will get you pelted with pen*s-implants by the trans brigade. 

[Harold]

 I heard there were a bunch of break-ins over at the car park. That is wrong on so many levels.  

   
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.  

   

   

[Judd]

I've finally come to accept I'm dyslexic, and I'll always be dyslexic... A Leotard can't change its spots.


I asked the Geordie barber for a perm. He said, "I wandered lernly as a clood....."

[Dextrous63]

😬😬😬😬😬